banks, courts and lawyers....oh my!

Well today was the first business day of the week and for some reason the stupid pill that people take on Mondays seemed to have been taken by not only the staff at B of A in my home town but also at our local county court house by all kinds of offices there.

A little back ground: I am now the oldest of two children who are surviving the death of both parents in less than 18 months. My father never really completed all that needed to be done for Mom's estate and now I get to clean up the mess from both. My sister is very much trying to help out but she lives 200+ miles away and I am currently in the "tag your it" mode....

So, about six weeks ago I received a letter from B of A stating that the safe deposit box rent was due. It was addressed to my dead mother and my dad was in the hospital having just had surgery for five by-passes, a mitral valve replacement and repair of a hole in between the upper chambers of his heart. The letter was a last reminder that if the rent was not paid by certain date the box and it's contents would revert back to the bank ...blah blah blah... OK! can't let that happen. I went to the bank with my husband and mom's death
certificate to see if I could just remove the contents. NO! Only my father could do that, I explained that my father had recently had surgery and that I am acting on his behalf... NO... sorry if your father were deceased you could just bring us the death certificate and then there is a form that your sister would have to fill releasing her interest in the box....but until he is gone... only he can open that box...

OK so what about the rent on the box? how can I ensure that dad has enough time to deal with this when he gets out of the hospital? I was told that they would be happy to let me pay the rent on the box, but that I could not open it... oh...OK, so you will take my money but you wont let me peek to make sure something is in it? fine ... I paid the money.

Now flash forward to today... "he is dead... yes... dead...yes I have a death certificate, here's the will that states all bank accounts... what? what the hell is a"Letter of Testamentary"? but I have a will right here...ok, so what you are saying is that i need some kind of a "letter" saying that the will is interpreted to say that I can open the box that I paid the rent on? Let me explain what I was told last time...ooh you remember last time... good so why can't I open the stupid box? No letter... right what was I thinking? Ok, well can we move on to his credit cards please... what? you want me to call an 800 number...uh huh...and say what? and I will need to fax them a copy of his death certificate...ok can you help me with this so we can get it all done now? why not? oh... you are just following the policy...hmmmm...."

Ok we will skip the rest of the conversation... and just leave it at I lost my temper (which is always ugly) and had a hissy fit... again not pretty... and stormed out of the bank in a flood of profanity including calling the staff a bunch of "fucktards"...nice so lady like... I am so embarrassed.. and was so angry at the time that it didn't matter what I was thinking...at this point since the fucktard of an employee could not offer me a chair at a desk and sit down and take the time to explain to me what I needed in a manner that was professional and compassionate I am completely and totally beyond angry.

So the letter of testamentary that i need must be something that is from the courts ... I seem to sort of remember that the fucktard said that I needed to get it from there... OK next stop county court house...

Did you know that to work at the information desk at the county court house here you only have to know where things are not what people in each office do? I wish I had known that when the job came up I would have applied...probably pays better than what I made working for the county mental health contractor.....lol

At the information desk I am told that to get the letter of testamentary I need to go to the county records office...down the hall to the end on the right... OK... off I go.

The county records people say... "we don't do letters of testamentary, we file the resulting property changes after the court issues them, you need this form (flashes form) you can get it at the bookstore down town...when I ask what bookstore she says oh you know the one down town...(I live in a small town that happens to be the county seat there are two book stores down town and two office supply stores also down town) ...you need to go upstairs to the county court clerks office...upstairs and straight ahead room 230.

county court clerks office says... you need to go to the office supply store on main street...(where they both are located) and get a "small estates" form...here let me write that down for you... it is not more than $200k in real property is it? bank accounts don't count but retirement plans do...yes so do vehicles, homes, etc...any property. Oh well I cant give you legal advice but I would see a lawyer... you should probably talk too a lawyer...no you don't need a lawyer if it is below 200k, if there is a house you can check with the county tax assessor's office to see what the house is worth... that is down stairs to the right.

down stairs to the right is a hallway... there are several doors... one is marked county tax department... one is marked county assessor department. well, she said "county tax assessor" lets try the county tax ppl first...

the lady at the county tax office was very very kind and sweet. she told me I was in the wrong place and that I could have a print out of what she knew about the yearly taxes for the property so I would be ready to pay them when it came time. She directed me to the office across the hall the county assessor's office.

the county assessor's office was able to tell me what the county says the property is worth. She also recommended that if I had any other real property that was included in the estate that I thought may go over 200K to contact a lawyer....

OK! I GET IT...

Off to see dad's lawyer...Kari..who is very nice and looks like she is like, I don't know...12?

Kari says that she will look into it all and get back with me soon...taking care of the PERS (our state's version of state employees retirement) thing for mom's stuff and the whole estate thing... and my sister will have to sign something for Kari saying that I can do the legal stuff...

and finally off to the credit union... where I already know the answer but have to show them the death certificate anyway...I have to say that the credit union was much nicer to us than those fucktards at B of A and I even got to sit down and have my questions answered. My gosh! I was treated like an actual person... no really for reals!

I have since calmed down quite a bit and have decided that our account at B of A is going to be closed... I have an account at another bank that I have been using for some time now and am hoping that I can just have my husbands direct deposit switched over... then we will close the B of A account and they can...as my father used to say " go fuck yourself"

over all this has been an eventful day... we are hoping to have enough money to deal with the parts of this that we need to do quickly and then we want to have the lawyer handle the rest of the story and hopefully we will be done soon...In the meantime I am so tired of the crap that it is amazing...and now we have to deal with the rest of it tomorrow because I can't call the credit cards right now, the companies are closed... oh my gosh... we may actually get this all cleared up tomorrow...YEAH RIGHT!!!

Who knows?

Happy Birthday Dad

Today my dad would have been 71. When I had his birthday party last year I had a feeling it was the last one he would have, but it doesn't make it any easier today. I have spent most of this day either in tears or angry as a hornet's nest that just got run over by a lawn mower....

The death certificate is in now and I can pick it up when ever I want to ...I just don't want the stupid piece of paper that says that my dad is "officially dead" any where near me. I know it's just a piece of paper, but it seems like the final rubber stamp if you know what I mean. I had a really shitty year last year... left dad in last year except for his memorial service which was almost two weeks ago. I hate the idea of moving on...but it has to happen...

I am having a hell of a time getting the house clean and set up again. It was all set on the way he wanted stuff done. Now it's like I am a kid wearing dad's shoes and suit coat... way to big for my safety...and comfort I'd guess. Those shoes are just way too big to fill right now.

I can't even find a way to take care of my little sister. She's an adult... she has two kids of her own. but... she is still the baby and I want to make sure that she is OK.... she will be here this weekend, and I can just see the wheels turning in her brain... I am doomed! she is going to want to know all those fun things that I am NOT ready to deal with.

I am trying to get all the bills together, set up the file system that I have been trying to get set up since mom died 17 1/2 months ago. yeah that is so not working. I guess it's a good thing that I am not working right now... I would probably just fall apart if I was. I was so busy with mom when she passed that I took off two weeks and then got in trouble for that. so better I have no job... right? actually is it? I have NO sense of purpose that doesn't feel like I am trying to dismantle a lifetime of memories, mementos, and collecting... the house is bad enough without mom.... but dad being gone too is almost unbearable...especially today....

well, he would have been 71 today. He would have celebrated lots of things today.. but he is gone. I know in my gutt that he is happier now because he is home where ever he is with mom. As much as they fought they really did love each other. She was an opinionated, outspoken, assertive pain in the butt... He was a cantankerous, grouchy, exceptionally intelligent bookworm....but they sure did make a great couple... and they definitely loved one another.

Ok, I am angry now and this is my pitty party (officially)

WARNING! YOU MAY FIND THAT I HAVE SAID THINGS IN THIS BLOG THAT WILL OFFEND AND UPSET YOU. IF YOU ARE EASILY UPSET, STRESSED OR ANGERED YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS BLOG. I AM IN A SHITTY MOOD AND HAVE NO FILTER

That being said....

Once in a while I find an outlet for my creative energies...
For the most part I am just boring old Vickie and have not really changed much... or that is what I had convinced myself to believe until recently.

I am now one of two children who has lost her parents as an adult and is now realizing how utterly unimportant my life really is. I have good and bad days and for the most part am moving forward, but the stupid house is dirty, in complete disarray and looks like hell. I feel like crap more than 75% of the time and all I want to do is go to bed and cry. I have very few things in my life to be proud of... my kids are the majority of the pride that I have and there are days I question how proud of them I deserve to be... my mom did the majority of the work there (let's be honest-I was working...and as y'all are so fond of pointing out to me... they are assholes and your kids would never be allowed to act like that)
Honestly even my one best accomplishment is looking pretty damned sad and beleaguered My dog...my poor dog...he is stuck living with people who are not at all giving a shit about him... I am trying to care what is going on with him...
But I have trouble wanting to get up in the morning and take a fucking shower... so how the hell am I supposed to take care of a dog, a husband, three kids and this house that I have been stuck with...
which is a hell hole I may add...I am stuck in a house I hate...Let me tell you how much fun it is to wake up every day and the one place you have as a respite is the house that is full of your parents lifetime of possessions.... so much for a mental health break.

I know at least I have a house...I am so dang lucky... all i have to do is just pay taxes and insurance and poof my life is so much easier than those of you who aren't lucky enough to have your parents both die in less than 18 months...must be rough... you can call your mom and get reaffirmed that you are still OK and a decent parent.... guess that was one of those choices.... that I am constantly reminded that I make them and its' my own damned fault cause loosing them was MY fault right? I thought it was a great idea and chose that one let me tell ya...nothing like looking at a dead body in a bed that is being kept alive by machines and making the choice to let the body go... the soul was gone a long time ago...

I am finding that with my dad gone now I am falling into that never ending tunnel of "who gives a shit" and while at some level I do give a shit I am so damned overwhelmed with all of the crap in my stupid overinflated overextended fouled up life...
I find myself getting annoyed with things that used to make me happy...
I love to sew. REALLY love to sew.
But right now if you were to ask me about my sewing projects I would probably snort and tell you that I am in the middle of trying to have a space to sew, or that there are tons of things I am working on, but to be completely honest I am so tired of people wanting something and then changing their minds about it mid project... ok well I know it made it easier for me because now I don't have to hurry and that's less stress...call it like it is...you couldn't be bothered to wait for me to finish because I am pitifully slow at completing anything. I get it... and Yes! my self worth has suffered yet another blow. Thank GOD for low self esteem... you will ask me to do something for you again and I am stupid enough to do it... hmmmm see the circle? I am beginning to...

I cry randomly and for stupid reasons.
I hate my life.
I hate the fact that all I am able to do is just keep living my life and try not to let it get too far ahead of me.
I apparently am not good for anything with the exception of watching other people's kids... both at home and in my chosen form of recreation.... don't get me wrong... I love kids... but everyone needs to be loved for them self not just for what they can do for you....
I have the typical ailment that most oldest children have... my self worth is invested so heavily into my family that now that I have NO Parents I have NO COMPASS.
I feel like no one gives a shit as long as they can use up the skills that I have and get what they want.
Yeah, by the way thanks for asking if I WANTED to go lately everyone is either telling me what I am doing or excluding me (I actually enjoy people wanting me to come over, do something with them that doesn't benefit them. Just hang out and be friends.)
I love all of my kids... yeah I count yours as mine...but right now is not the right time for me to be taking extras... I can't manage mine half the time
Now, I have to PROVE to these people (yes that means you) that I AM CAPABLE of being me...even if I am SO not ready to be me right now...
Meanwhile, I go off and take care of the business of providing for the kids in the barony that I "play" in.
I have to say that for the most part I am sick and tired of everyone wanting to console me when I am ok and then dumping my fat ass when I am having a bad day.
When you call me I come running.
When you need me I am there, to listen, give you clothing, food, shelter, help, compassion, love and a sense of humor.

YEAH YEAH>>>I made my choices. I get it.

My question to you is this?
What have YOU done for ME lately?
Have you told me that you value me as a friend?
Have you randomly showed up just to check in? No, I didn't say have you called, texted, poked or what ever on line...and yes I know that the street goes two ways...but when was the last time you came to MY house?
Have you stopped to think that I may need a real break where I am allowed to just spend the day in tears?

Yes I am a selfish bitch!
well here is my new year's resolution...weeks late and inadequate as always...but it is what it is...

NO! I will NOT watch your kids I will take them and have a good time with them at time that is good for me if it doesn't work for your "busy" schedule tough...
NO! I will NOT make you anything- garb or other projects including any and all costumes unless you are right next to me doing it too... if you don't know how I will TEACH you but I am not doing it.
NO! I do NOT want to hear about your problems unless you really want my completely unshielded open and honest opinion.

<<>>I will not be "nice"


YES ! My teenaged children are
ASSHOLES. I hope yours are too so that you can see how perfect you aren't either.
YES! I am a SHITTY MOTHER . Point taken. Y'all have this habit of taking my faults and throwing them back in my face when I just needed someone to listen... I know what is wrong with me... and MY KIDS. Have you looked at your lives?


So before I go off and throw myself into the damned river off the cliff with a bullet in my head(yes being mellow-dramatic) ....I am now officially in an IT'S ABOUT ME state. You have all been warned...don't like it? too bad. I am too tired to care..


so if you actually made it through this without hating me give me a call... if not... well as my father was fond of saying... don't let the door hit you...